I have had word from the Donkey Sanctuary that the plaque to remember Hazel and her life has been put in place in the Russell Garden. The Donkey Sanctuary, as readers of the blog will be aware, is near Sidnmouth on the south coast of Devon. Hazel spent many happy hours in this place, and her ashes were scattered her earlier in the year. I hope that the plaque will allow people who wish to remember Hazel to have a focus for that. Their is a link to the Donkey Sanctaury website on this blog, and the dedication itself can be seen in the Media secion of Hazel's website, www.doiknowyou.co.uk.
I dare say that this will be the last entry on this blog. There has been something of a gap since the last post and as this was always about Hazel and her journey, there seems to be little left to write about. Hazel's illness was very hard to live through, but there's no doubt that the blog and the website have helped, both in maintaining some grounding for me and for keeping people who have read the blog in touch with Hazel's ups and downs. It's been a real pleasure to know that it's been read by people, and that so many have commented on the blog and on the messages part of her site. I know that the information on both has been used by people in the same boat, and that it has drawn both comfort and inspiration.
The site and the blog will both stay online for the foreseeable future.
Wednesday, 3 June 2009
Sunday, 1 March 2009
The final journey
I have been and returned from Devon. Hazel's ashes were scattered in the Field of Dreams at the Donkey Sanctuary near Sidmouth. I scattered Rosie's ashes (our dog, who died in 2005) as well. I visited there this morning. The weather was fine, cloudy but with the sun shining at times.
The Field of Dreams is a field at the sanctuary that is simply left to nature. It's a short walk from the main donkey sheds and visitor centre towards the sea, downhill on the way there. The field itself is long, curved on one side with the river running alongside it. It slopes up away from the river, and there is a solitary bench at the top of the hill. It was quite peaceful today.
I headed for the bench and sat for a short while. I hadn't opened the boxes containing the ashes before arriveing, and both were quite heavy, both filled with a rough white and grey dust. Having sat for a short while, I stood and scattered the ashes from in front of the bench. Some landed on the ground and others caught the wind and travelled further. Once I'd done it, I sat a little more.
I moved on after a half hour or so, back to the main part of the sanctuary. There were some donkeys in the fields and the barns, but there is lot of building work at the moment as they expand the hospital.
I walked around the Russell Memorial Garden, where I've decided to have a plaque placed for Hazel as a focus for those who want to remember her. The plaqued has been ordered. It will read:
Hazel Crutchley (nee Snow) 1968-2008 Remembered by those she taught, touched, laughed with and loved.
I'll let you know when it's in place.
The Russell Memorial Garden
A view of the Field of Dreams
The three of us
The sign at the Field of Dreams
The Field of Dreams is a field at the sanctuary that is simply left to nature. It's a short walk from the main donkey sheds and visitor centre towards the sea, downhill on the way there. The field itself is long, curved on one side with the river running alongside it. It slopes up away from the river, and there is a solitary bench at the top of the hill. It was quite peaceful today.
I headed for the bench and sat for a short while. I hadn't opened the boxes containing the ashes before arriveing, and both were quite heavy, both filled with a rough white and grey dust. Having sat for a short while, I stood and scattered the ashes from in front of the bench. Some landed on the ground and others caught the wind and travelled further. Once I'd done it, I sat a little more.
I moved on after a half hour or so, back to the main part of the sanctuary. There were some donkeys in the fields and the barns, but there is lot of building work at the moment as they expand the hospital.
I walked around the Russell Memorial Garden, where I've decided to have a plaque placed for Hazel as a focus for those who want to remember her. The plaqued has been ordered. It will read:
Hazel Crutchley (nee Snow) 1968-2008 Remembered by those she taught, touched, laughed with and loved.
I'll let you know when it's in place.
The Russell Memorial Garden
A view of the Field of Dreams
The three of us
The sign at the Field of Dreams
Friday, 27 February 2009
The Donkey Sanctuary
It is the evening before I travel to Devon to scatter Hazel's ashes at the Donkey Sanctuary in Sidmouth, Devon. I have added a couple of links to the site, not least to the Donkey Sanctuary itself. I wanted to add Hazel's life story, one she was writing herself, but I've been put off that particular idea for now. This is an unfinished autobiography of Hazel's life. She wanted to do that in her recovery time, as well as tend to the website.
Hazel actually made a lot of recordings of her life and her feelings when she was between the radiotherapy and the residential home, around January 2006 to May 2007. She spent some time collecting the thoughts of friends on her condition, aroundd the beginning of 2007, which were designed to rebuild her confidence about herself and how people felt about her. Some of this is very moving.
As well as recording and writing her life story, she spent a lot of time with Dr D****t, a neurologist in Oxford, who took it upon himself to talk to Hazel during many hour long appointments to try to assess her level of memory retention and recovery. He'd always offered hope to Hazel that the memory could come back with practise and through exercises. Hazel was very forthright and expressive in these sessions, some of which I sat through with her. However, whilst there were odd times when we felt things might be getting a litle better, eventually the flickers of hope that Hazel's memory might repair gradually faded away. Despite Dr D****t's greatest efforts, Hazel's condition did deteriorate.
The biggest problem with Hazel was that the combination of sight and memory loss made it very difficult for anyone to help her. She couldn't remember techniques for improving things, and she couldn't see to write reminders and use visual prompts to aid her memory. It was very difficult.
I shall tell you about my trip in the blog over the next few days, and I hope to share some photos with you and tell you more about a permanent memorial to Hazel at the Donkey Sanctuary.
Hazel actually made a lot of recordings of her life and her feelings when she was between the radiotherapy and the residential home, around January 2006 to May 2007. She spent some time collecting the thoughts of friends on her condition, aroundd the beginning of 2007, which were designed to rebuild her confidence about herself and how people felt about her. Some of this is very moving.
As well as recording and writing her life story, she spent a lot of time with Dr D****t, a neurologist in Oxford, who took it upon himself to talk to Hazel during many hour long appointments to try to assess her level of memory retention and recovery. He'd always offered hope to Hazel that the memory could come back with practise and through exercises. Hazel was very forthright and expressive in these sessions, some of which I sat through with her. However, whilst there were odd times when we felt things might be getting a litle better, eventually the flickers of hope that Hazel's memory might repair gradually faded away. Despite Dr D****t's greatest efforts, Hazel's condition did deteriorate.
The biggest problem with Hazel was that the combination of sight and memory loss made it very difficult for anyone to help her. She couldn't remember techniques for improving things, and she couldn't see to write reminders and use visual prompts to aid her memory. It was very difficult.
I shall tell you about my trip in the blog over the next few days, and I hope to share some photos with you and tell you more about a permanent memorial to Hazel at the Donkey Sanctuary.
Wednesday, 11 February 2009
Ashes
The terrible weather affected the country for the whole of last week. London had it on the 2nd February, and Milton Keynes and Swindon had it towards the 6th. It was my plan to collect Hazel's ashes from Wolverton on the 6th and drive down to Devon to scatter them at the Donkey Sanctuary over the weekend.
Hazel loved the sanctuary. We made a number of trips down there. Hazel remembered Devon from her childhood holidays, and we carried on visiting the area when we were married. The donkey sanctuary was a regular stop off point, usually more than once per trip. Located just outside Sidmouth, it has a number of large fields where the rescued donkeys are allowed to live out their lives in peace, quiet and tranquility. Visitors are encouraged to visit, wander and mingle. There are a number of walks there, including down to the coast, and the stable blocks and sheds are often open to see the donkeys close at hand.
Donkeys are very placid creatures, noisy at times, but welcome a pet and a chat. Hazel would like to move around them and would often make a new friend of one of the donkeys. We would eat meals there, visit the shop and look at the rememberance plaques and gifts about the gardens and grounds. It's the perfect place for Hazel to revisit now, and we intend to have a plaque in one of the gardens, remembering her, in due course.
In the event, I didn't get down to Devon that weekend - the weather was too poor to even set out. It seemed quite fitting that, on the day of revisiting the funeral directors in Wolverton, there was snow on the ground making everything more difficult. You'll recall from the funeral service that Dorothy made light of the fact that Hazel's birth was hampered by the snow and that her surname was Snow. It's entirely appropriate that snow bookends this stage in Hazel's story.
I'll be attempting to go to Devon later in the month. I'll report back.
Church Street, Wolverton/6th February 2009
Hazel loved the sanctuary. We made a number of trips down there. Hazel remembered Devon from her childhood holidays, and we carried on visiting the area when we were married. The donkey sanctuary was a regular stop off point, usually more than once per trip. Located just outside Sidmouth, it has a number of large fields where the rescued donkeys are allowed to live out their lives in peace, quiet and tranquility. Visitors are encouraged to visit, wander and mingle. There are a number of walks there, including down to the coast, and the stable blocks and sheds are often open to see the donkeys close at hand.
Donkeys are very placid creatures, noisy at times, but welcome a pet and a chat. Hazel would like to move around them and would often make a new friend of one of the donkeys. We would eat meals there, visit the shop and look at the rememberance plaques and gifts about the gardens and grounds. It's the perfect place for Hazel to revisit now, and we intend to have a plaque in one of the gardens, remembering her, in due course.
In the event, I didn't get down to Devon that weekend - the weather was too poor to even set out. It seemed quite fitting that, on the day of revisiting the funeral directors in Wolverton, there was snow on the ground making everything more difficult. You'll recall from the funeral service that Dorothy made light of the fact that Hazel's birth was hampered by the snow and that her surname was Snow. It's entirely appropriate that snow bookends this stage in Hazel's story.
I'll be attempting to go to Devon later in the month. I'll report back.
Church Street, Wolverton/6th February 2009
Saturday, 31 January 2009
Charity Donations
I have received notification from the Funeral Directors of the amounts raised for Hazel's charities after her funeral. It was £1139, with £626 going to Willen and £513 going to Dogs Trust. I have a list of those who donated, so many thanks.
Friday, 30 January 2009
Hazel's Obituary
I have written an obituary for Hazel for The Independent newspaper. It appears today. I wrote it rather quickly in the days after Hazel died, and never expected it to appear. In hindsight, think it's rather good. I hope it brings back positive memories for you. It can be found here.
Saturday, 17 January 2009
Mid January already
Time is flying by so fast. It's already two weeks into the New Year, and I have no idea whether anyone will read this now Hazel's story has ended. It perhaps becomes a self indulgence to write now - you can see I have dispensed with the 'Richard writes' moniker. However, there are a few things to update you on, and there will be more in the next few weeks, so keep posted and keep writing.
I'm still getting sympathy cards from people who knew Hazel. It's been remarkable to read everyone's thoughts and recollections of Hazel. What was common was that she made a strong impression. For me, I am finding that the longer time goes past, the more I remember the better times before she was ill. This is great to remember those times, but incredibly sad too. I had become more emotional through Hazel's illness, and it's no better now. I can lose it at so many triggers. I feel a bit shaky a lot of the time as well - it's like I had my eye off my own life and health for so long and I find now that at 37 I've got older and things don't work so effectively as they did ten years ago. Hmm.
I haven't had the final total on the collections from the funeral as yet, but I'll pass these on next week. I have wanted to tell you about Hazel's friend, Beccy, with whom Hazel taught at Ferndale school from 2000. Beccy has been going fitness mad over the last six months, raising loads of money for good causes as she goes. She's doing the Bath Half Marathon on 15th March, and I'd love you to help her make money for her chosen charity, Headway. Of course, Headway helped Hazel so much and Beccy is dedicating her run to Hazel. Sponsor her here.
I was looking through some very old photos of Hazel today, and I found a couple I'd like to share with you. These were taken before I knew her, probably in Leeds in the very early 90s. I think it's pretty clear she was having a great time here too, before most of us ever met her!
CLick to see them bigger.
I hope to put Hazel's book on the website at some point, so please keep checking back. It'd be nice to know you're still reading this too, so feel free to comment.
I'm still getting sympathy cards from people who knew Hazel. It's been remarkable to read everyone's thoughts and recollections of Hazel. What was common was that she made a strong impression. For me, I am finding that the longer time goes past, the more I remember the better times before she was ill. This is great to remember those times, but incredibly sad too. I had become more emotional through Hazel's illness, and it's no better now. I can lose it at so many triggers. I feel a bit shaky a lot of the time as well - it's like I had my eye off my own life and health for so long and I find now that at 37 I've got older and things don't work so effectively as they did ten years ago. Hmm.
I haven't had the final total on the collections from the funeral as yet, but I'll pass these on next week. I have wanted to tell you about Hazel's friend, Beccy, with whom Hazel taught at Ferndale school from 2000. Beccy has been going fitness mad over the last six months, raising loads of money for good causes as she goes. She's doing the Bath Half Marathon on 15th March, and I'd love you to help her make money for her chosen charity, Headway. Of course, Headway helped Hazel so much and Beccy is dedicating her run to Hazel. Sponsor her here.
I was looking through some very old photos of Hazel today, and I found a couple I'd like to share with you. These were taken before I knew her, probably in Leeds in the very early 90s. I think it's pretty clear she was having a great time here too, before most of us ever met her!
CLick to see them bigger.
I hope to put Hazel's book on the website at some point, so please keep checking back. It'd be nice to know you're still reading this too, so feel free to comment.
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